Girls.

Last night I spoke with a very close friend of mine. He revealed some rather interesting information concerning a girl who has been a friend of ours.

Many, many months ago, this girl (let's call her Amy) and I became good friends and started hanging out together. Sometimes just the two of us, and sometimes with our group of mutual friends. We would go get some food or a drink, or just hang out. I felt like we had a good bond and a blossoming friendship. We were never more physical than a friendly hug hello or goodbye; I never wanted more than that.

And then, quite literally overnight, she started acting super cold to me. When I would see her, she would act like we were barely even friends. It was all I could do to get her to say hello. I had no idea what could have changed the dynamic of our relationship so drastically. I wanted to ask, but I didn't really feel comfortable broaching the subject with her. I thought perhaps she was just going through a rough patch, and I didn't want to pry any information from her that she wouldn't volunteer of her own accord.

This icy interaction went on for few weeks, maybe a month, but gradually I felt her demeanor towards me soften. During that cool period, however, I had radically changed my behavior towards her: I didn't call; I didn't invite her out; I didn't do anything with her alone. And while we did return to the point of being okay around each other, we didn't really ever get together for one-on-one's anymore.

Recently, after she returned from some travels abroad, I did get together with her to chat about her experiences, and I felt like she was totally cool with me again. In fact, until talking with my other friend last night, I'd totally forgotten about my bizarre episode with Amy. But...

At the time that Amy and I had been having our weird little episode, my guy-friend had been dating Amy's best girl-friend. And in such a position, he was privvy to the details coming out of Amy's side of this strange experience. But, at the time, he didn't really know how to tell me what was going on, as we weren't close enough at that time to be totally candid and honest with one another. But as we are now much more comfortable with each other, he was more than glad to dish the dirt.

So, it turns out that as Amy and I were starting to hang out, she began to perceive a romantic interest on my part. I was surprised to hear this now, because during the time we were hanging out I remember telling her about some of my crushes and interests. And furthermore, I never felt like my behavior towards her could have been construed as in any way romantic. I might have paid for dinner or drinks sometimes, but not everytime. And other times she would pay. To me, it was the type of, "you get this time, I'll get next time" mentality that friends have with each other. And we never went to do anything of an intimate physical nature (i.e. dancing, ice skating, walks on the beach, coitus), so I'm not sure where she got the idea that I was looking for something.

But regardless of whatever my intentions were, she felt like I was interested, and that perception made her uncomfortable, and I acknowledge that.

However...

The way she reacted is what pisses me off. All she had to do was say to me, "Hey, Dan. I'm not sure what your intentions are, but I just want to be clear that I'm not looking for anything romantic." At which point I could have reasonably answered her, "Me neither. Well, not with you, at least." And then we could have gone on smoothly.

But instead, she chose to take make sweeping assumptions and cause unnecessary grief to both of our lives. And in talking with my guy-friend (now no longer dating Amy's best friend), some other things have become clear: It is quite possible that Amy allowed herself to presume my interest was there so that she could feel good about herself and to boost her own ego. At least, that is one possible explanation of how she could disregard the obvious signs of friendship and only see the signs of a dude who was into her.

In talking with my buddy, I recalled a night of talking with Amy's best friend just the two of us. And that night, she even asked me if I was interested in Amy romantically. I responded that, while I did find her attractive and thought she was an amazing person, I was not interested in her in that way. AND that very night I remember mentioning as well to Amy's friend that there was a girl I was interested in. One of the same girls that I had mentioned to Amy herself. But despite this, she went on in thinking what I was smitten by her friend. I know she though this, because thats what she was telling her boyfriend at the time. How did this dynamic duo fail to see that I obviously was not pursuing a romantic entanglement?

So here's the thing, ladies: If you think a guy friend might be into you, ASK HIM! Don't just assume he is and cut off all interaction. Unless of course you don't want to interact with him, in which case you should grow a pair (ovaries, of course) and tell him you're not intersted in anything. But if you really do like the person as a friend, you owe it to them to be forthcoming. And if you need an ego boost, go to some shitty bar where the guys will trip over themselves trying to buy you drinks. Don't waste a perfectly good friendship so you can feel like you "still got it."

But then again, if the universe is just going to collapse someday, does any of this really matter?